Maca Root Blog

I receive many emails from concerned relatives, partners and friends who are trying to help a loved one suffering the torment of a stressful or depressive episode. Sometimes, it’s easy to forget that people who love us are also affected by these illnesses and may find it difficult to understand what’s happening. They want to help, but just don’t know what to do for the best.

Having lived with a depressed partner for 3 years and suffered anxiety and depression for 5 years, I’ve experienced both sides. In this article, I’ll show you exactly what you can do - and, what you shouldn’t do - to help your loved one.

1. Please, however frustrated you feel, please never say to a depressed or stressed person: “Come on, snap out of it. What have you got to be worried or sad about anyway. People have it much worse than you.” Please understand that these illnesses cannot be “snapped out of.” You wouldn’t say this to someone with high blood pressure or pneumonia because you know it isn’t that simple. Stress, depression and anxiety are real illnesses that have specific causes. Asking someone to snap out of it makes that person feel inadequate or that they’re doing something wrong. Absolutely not so. Comparing their circumstances to people who are suffering greater hardship is no use either. I couldn’t have given two hoots about other people when I was ill because their circumstances meant nothing to me. I was struggling to solve my own problems and couldn’t see anything else. Knowing that others are starving, are terminally ill, or suffer in squalor didn’t matter a jot because they didn’t make my problems go away. One more thing about such statements: they confront the sufferer with their illness and they put
pressure on them. This will cause sufferers to retreat further and further into their own world. Better is to offer love and support: “I’m always here if you need me or want to talk.” And 3 little words can mean so much: “I love you.” I didn’t hear them for 3 years and believe me, I
missed them so very much.

2. As a loved one, it is totally natural to want to understand what is happening. Many loved ones conduct research into these illnesses to develop understanding. Nothing wrong with that whatsoever. However, a problem can arise if you start to impose your knowledge on the sufferer.
This happens when you observe certain behaviors and habits performed by sufferers and comment on why they are behaving in such a way. For example, you hear a sufferer put themselves down, so you say “That’s a part of your illness. I’ve been reading about it and self-deprecation is one of the reasons why people become depressed. You need to stop putting yourself down.” Again, this is confrontational and puts the sufferer under pressure. All they’ll do is dismiss your comments and clam up whenever you’re around as they’ll feel they’re being scrutinised. A better way is to challenge them very gently by reminding them of a time when they did something good. For example, you hear a sufferer say: “I’m useless, I never get anything right.” You can say “Sure you do, hey, remember the time when you…”. Do you see the difference in approach? The first is more like a doctor
assessing a patient, the second is just a normal, natural conversation and doesn’t mention stress, depression or anxiety. This is very, very helpful as it shifts focus from a bad event: “I’m useless…” to a good one: “remember when..” without exerting pressure.

3. Finally, you may find a resource - a book, a video, a supplement etc. - that you think will help someone to beat their illness. Perfectly natural. But there’s a problem. It confronts the sufferer with their illness and puts them under pressure to do something about it. The result of this will be resentment followed by retreat into their own world. Isolation is a part of these illnesses. Sometimes, you just can’t bear to be around people. My ex-partner used to sleep
in a dark room for an entire weekend because she just couldn’t handle anyone being around her. “I bore people, I’ve nothing to say of interest and I don’t want anyone asking me how I’m feeling. I just want to be on my own.” I know, it cuts you to ribbons when you hear such words from someone you care deeply about. But please, you must resist the urge to DIRECTLY give them a resource you think will help them. For someone to emerge from these illnesses, they have to make the decision themselves. A direct offer will more often than not be refused. So, if you find something you think will help, leave it lying around somewhere your loved one will find it. The idea here is for them to CHOOSE by themselves to investigate further. Such an INDIRECT approach is more effective because once again, there is no pressure, no reminder, no confrontation. It is the sufferer who takes a willing first step towards recovery.

It is so hard to understand and reach loved ones when they’re caught up in these illnesses but please believe me, these ideas are very effective and they will help.

Until next time.

About the Author
Looking to beat stress, anxiety or depression QUICKLY? “Conquering Stress” reveals the powerful, effective secrets so you can beat these illnesses once and for all DRUG FREE! Click Here ==>http://www.conqueringstress.com
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What is a panic attack?

A panic attack is one of the most uncomfortable experiences a human being can have. Panic attacks seem to come out of the blue and they can include heart palpitations, tightening in the chest or shortness of breath (which is why they are sometimes confused with heart attacks), choking sensations (which is why you may think you’re going to suffocate) dizziness (which is why you may fear you’re going to pass out), faintness, sweating, trembling, shaking, and/or tingling in the hands and feet. These physiological effects are often accompanied by feelings of unreality, an intense desire to run away, and fears of going crazy, dying or fear of doing something uncontrollable.

Agoraphobia is fear of panic attacks, of going out and being unable to escape if you have a sudden panic attack.

What causes the reactions of a panic attack?

*Although these fears are real at the time, they are primarily the result of adrenaline and other physiological responses that are useful to you when you are really under threat, but are frightening when your mind tricks you into thinking you are.

*Because you start breathing more quickly in the upper portion of your chest, your brain gets less oxygen. As a result, you can have feelings of unreality and disorientation. These reactions can make you think you’re going crazy, but you’re not. No one goes crazy in a sudden or spontaneous way, mental illness develops slowly over time. This kind of breathing can also bring on lightheadedness and fear you’ll lose your balance of faint; just breathe more deeply in the lower part of your abdomen and this feeling will pass.

*Adrenaline dilates the blood vessels in your legs that can make them feel like jelly and you start to tremble and fear you might fall. These sensations will pass if you don’t fight them.

* The tension you feel can affect your inner ear and make you feel dizzy or that things around you are spinning; this is not dangerous and will pass.

* Stress and tension can cause the muscles in your neck and chest to tighten and reduce your ability to breathe. You won’t suffocate. Your brain has a built-in reflex that will eventually force you to breathe.

* A panic attack cannot cause you to have a heart attack even though your heart may beat very fast. A healthy heart is built to beat as many as 200 times a minute for weeks and still keep going. There is a big difference between a racing heart and a heart attack.

* You won’t lose control of yourself. If anything, you’ll be highly focused on one goal, escaping. So, you may try to run away or escape, but losing total control of yourself is a myth, not a reality.

Because of their intensity, they can leave you feeling helpless, terrified and anticipating another attack. While some people have several panic attacks a week, others have one and never have one again or have one every few years.

What can you do to cope with panic attacks so they no longer have the power to frighten you?

* Engage in the regular practice of deep relaxation.

* Exercise every day. Exercise can reduce stress responses such as panic attacks.

* Eliminate stimulants. Stop using caffeine, chocolate, sugar, nicotine, and all stimulant drugs.

* Learn to acknowledge and express your feelings, especially anger and sadness; when you deny these feelings, they can come back to haunt you in the form of panic attacks.

* Learn to challenge your negative thinking patterns and use self-talk that promote a calmer and more accepting attitude toward life.

If you make these 5 lifestyle changes, over time your problem with panic attacks will diminish or vanish entirely. For more specifics on how to change your lifestyle to reduce panic attacks, go to www.carolynchambersclark.com and find a sample chapter and how to obtain LIVING WELL WITH ANXIETY, WHAT YOUR DOCTOR DOESN’T TELL YOU THAT YOU NEED TO KNOW.

Carolyn Chambers Clark has a masters degree in psychiatric/mental health nursing from Rutgers University, and a doctorate in education from Columbia University. She is author of LIVING WELL WITH ANXIETY and LIVING WELL WITH MENOPAUSE. You can find free articles and newsletters on her web site at www.carolynchambersclark.com